Killer Klowns From Outer Space

There once was a young boy who spent many an evening in the video rental store his Mum worked in watching movies in a backroom. His Mum was a conscientious lady who would always check the video boxes to ensure he only watch appropriate content. Unfortunately she didn't check inside the boxes and that was how, smuggled inside a copy of The Jetsons Meet The Flinstones, the boy came to watch Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

I've never forgotten that movie. Though meant as a comedy I saw it only as a terrifying horror remembering for a long time the cotton candy corpse cocoons and the girl in the balloon. I watched it again on Youtube a few years ago and considered it a bit blah.

I watched it again last night in far better, legal, format. And I have to say, it has really held up well. The music is actually pretty good, the Klowns themselves look amazing considering the movie was made 30 years ago and the acting is vastly superior to almost every other b-movie made since (just look at how bad Hobgoblins was!).

And there's some genuine creepy stuff in this movie. The popcorn creatures (again holding up well), the cotton candy and the drinking straws, the ventriloquist act with the police officer and the Klown trying to entice the little girl out of the fast food restaurant.

Two things let it down:

1) the underpinning of the whole movie of having Killer Klowns from Outer Space. All they needed to do was imply, as done at points with Stephen King's IT, that they only saw the aliens as clowns because the puny human brain can't conceive of what they really are. When we see kill someone with acidic cream pies, we're just IMAGINING that as to conceive of what really happened was too horrific. That would've added a much-needed dimension of creepiness and believability.
2) the comedy is shit. I mean, REALLY shit. The Klown kapers are one thing, but the Terenzi brothers nearly ruin the movie. And they unbelievably survive. There's no justice in this movie.

But overall it really holds up. In the hands of the right people the proposed sequel or a reboot could actually be genuinely terrifying or even funny! This is one b-movie that only gets better with age.

Upcoming Features: Sharks

Thanks to Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, we've got a lot of shark related movies coming up. As a fan of Jaws, and of sharks in general, this can only be a good thing. As long as they are better than Dinoshark anyway...

First up is the eagerly awaited Sharktopus and the B-movie lover in me got very excited after seeing this trailer:



Then next we have the less than inspiring Super Shark (it can fly... hmm...)



And finally, actually looking quite good, we have a Jaws tribute with a twist: Swamp Shark



I think Swamp Shark might just be my most eagerly awaited monster movie for the next few months... :)

Dinoshark

Eric Balfour - The Only Good Thing About This Movie

You see something titled "Dinoshark" and you hope for a truly awesome B-movie. You're thinking Jaws meets Jurassic Park, and you get overly excited at the prospect.

Alas. I have very low standards. I love B-movies! LOVE 'EM. I accept a certain level of bad special effects and terrible acting.

But... Dinoshark mixes the very worst special effects money can't buy and awful acting little seen since "Leeches"  and comes up with diddly squat. There's no tension, no suspense, nothing. If it had simply straight copied the scenes from Jaws it would have been better. Instead we get simple attack after uneventful attack. Boring

Eric Balfour is the only good thing in this movie, but that makes it even worse... when you have someone actually acting talking to someone trying desperately to act it only shows the flaws up even more clearly.

 Lesson learnt: SyFy (don't you hate their rebranding??) TV movies are just never going to get any better.

Dinoshark and Sharktopus: Seriously!

Imagine a world in which movies with titles like Dinoshark and Sharktopus can exist. Imagine no more... Dread Central brings us some info on what surely must be considered the most eagerly awaiting B-Movies of the year!

And in other exciting news from Sci-Fi Wire, it looks like Steven Spielberg might be returning to sci-fi telly with a time travelling family AND DINOSAURS! If Terra Nova is greenlit I promise to bow down before Rupert Murdoch and never say mean things about Fox again (unless they then cancel it). Spielberg. Dinosaurs. Just keep saying it. *sigh*

Dead Snow (Død snø)

Dead Snow is a Norwegian horror-comedy featuring Nazi Zombies. Now there is more to it than that but if you fail to think "Wow, Nazi Zombies!" after reading that sentence then this is probably not the movie for you. 

But if Third Reich zombies do it for you, this movie is actually much better than I thought. There is no toned down gore here, no pulled punches, but there are a few laughs in the Evil Dead vein. The acting is alright and despite being set up as a somewhat cliched group of young people in a cabin horror movie, it manages to break out of this with some tremendous fight back scenes. This is no "last girl standing" movie, nor a typical zombie movie (these are more Undead Nazi's than zombie ones) and it's all the better for that. 

I really didn't have high hopes, but was pleasantly surprised. This is no high minded masterpiece, but it is enjoyable.